words/register

January 2001
The dawn of the new millenium, yet another anti-climatic oversight built upon the ruins of eager fools. Personal goals abound, yet they are not resolutions for those can only fail with disappointment. The future is in the hands of the chosen, can I be one of them? The deaths of the past will haunt the future, time may heal the wounds but the scars run deeper still. The will may be bent and broken but the repairs must begin whether an epiphany is reached or not.

October 2000
Winter looming on the horizon, my mind may join the ground in a blanket of frost. Emotions swinging [changing] quickly [out of control]. One thing after another, hope not yet abandoned [the glimmer remains, but illusive at the moment]. One, two, three [the pattern emerged with deadly consequences] but perhaps is broken [wait and see]. Desire to enjoy what remains before it too disappears [forever]. Treatment options realized, but the cure may be worse than the symptoms.

August 2000
Significant impending changes in this existence. Associated anxieties with that which is unknown and uncontrollable. Strangely enough, some increased clarity and contentness. No ephipany but fingers curl ever so slightly around that illusive brass ring. Still trying to slay the demons whose heads keeping popping up, and damning those who created them and forced them inside until intrinsically entrenched. The day seems long and the sun too penetrating.

April 2000
[Formations] Today I saw the man (one of) who abused me. He was standing there, arms folded, looking smug and young. He hasn't aged much. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. But maybe it was. Maybe that small kernel festered and grew into a tangled mass of emotions and issues (the ones that plague me still today). But maybe the tables will turn and topple on him, his insides will flow all over the ground, like my innocence (so long ago). I can hope, but I will never expect any more than this.

March 2000
I had thought I was overcoming my addiction, but these past few days prove this theory wrong. Procrastination is the thief of time - I really need to stop. I need another epiphany, the effects of the last one have worn off. I need to present myself at work in a state that is not utterly exhausted. I need to fall asleep at night. Damn this insomnia. What is going on with my nephew? I am terrified the wicked prophecy will arrive, with it utter destruction. I know what I should have done, and what now needs to be done. But it isn't as easy as this incessant tapping of keys. I am a prisoner, self-committed and caged by all that consumes me. Is freedom feasible, or did the chance expire?