part ii:  sárkæzem 
ii.i  how to be cool
  • know the latest lingo  [tell someone you want to fuck them like an animal]
  • learn the latest dances  [be certain to know the spooky-goth dance]
  • acquire cool friends  [they will often be found lurking in highschool's or bus stations]
  • read best-selling books  [Marilyn Manson's "Long Hard Road Out of Hell" is a good starting point]
  • watch television  [Muchmusic or MTV will keep you on top of the latest trends in music]
  • wear cool clothes  [ask the salesclerk at your local WalMart for the latest in dark fashions]
  • be the best goth you can be  [black clothing, fingernails, eyeliner, lipstick, fishnets and of course socks]
  • get a website  [keep an angst journal and please type with a mixture of lower and upper case letters]

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    sar•casm (sárkæzem) n. cruelly humorous statement or remark made with the intention of injuring the self-respect of the person to whom it is addressed, often associated with irony.